fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish you could order shots online.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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