You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
