I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Randomize
