You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
