I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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