Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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