seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
