where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
