New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
