After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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