Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
