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Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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