he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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