I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
