yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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