what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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