my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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