12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
