I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
