Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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