This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
