someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
