this beer tastes like vomit already
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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