She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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