"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
