Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
