Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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