your room smells of hookers.
And success
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
