I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
