how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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