Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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