the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm passing your future prison.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He shit in the fireplace
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
