I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
