I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so let's talk penis.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
