I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
