just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
