She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
