Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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