Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
