The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
FUCK WHALES
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
