i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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