if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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