I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
