im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
