Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
