he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
