I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
