My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
