just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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