Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
